


If I Can't Have You

by Janie_17



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drama Queen Louis, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Karaoke, M/M, Misunderstandings, background ziam - Freeform, harry and lou are idiots, title is a shawn mendez song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie_17/pseuds/Janie_17
Summary: After Harry turns him down, going out for Karaoke is the last thing Louis wants to do, but his friends are persuasive. When Harry shows up with Nick Grimshaw in tow, his evening goes from bad to worse. But will his choice of song manage to turn things around?





	If I Can't Have You

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the song that Louis sings in this is by Shawn Mendez, "If I Can't Have You," that has been stuck in my head for days. I wrote this in like 24 hours while procrastinating on a different story so feel free to point out any mistakes in the comments!

Louis groaned at his cell phone. Niall was texting him again about going out but he was definitely not in the mood for it. He’d blown his shot with Harry and would really prefer to keep wallowing in peace, not go dancing with the lads. Unfortunately, it looked like the Irishman would not be deterred. He considered sending his call to voicemail, but thought better of it, knowing that Niall would only call right back. 

“What do you want?” Louis snapped as he flicked the green answer button on his screen. 

“Easy, Tommo! I just want you to come have a good time. You haven’t gotten out of that flat in days and it is getting depressing. Liam and Zayn said they haven’t heard much from you either. It’s time to get a grip on yourself.” 

He rolled his eyes. “What does it matter? It’s not like I’d actually have fun if I went out. I can’t. Not anymore.” 

On the other end of the line, Niall laughed. “You’re so fucking dramatic! What the hell did Harry even do to put you in such a strop? And don’t play stupid, we all know it has to do with Harry, it always does.” 

“It isn’t what Harry did. It’s just that I’m the biggest idiot this side of the Atlantic. I really blew it big time.” 

“Well?” 

“Well, what, Niall?” 

“Well, what’d you do?” When Louis remained silent, he urged, “Mate. It can’t be that bad.” 

“We were having a sleepover--”

“Without much sleep I’m sure,” the other man interrupted. “Gross.” 

“Shut it. Well, after we had, ahem, well we were cuddling. And I may have asked him to be my boyfriend. Which totally breaks the rules. We’re just lads being lads. Best friends who happen to enjoy each other’s company once and a while. It was wholly inappropriate.” 

“You two are idiots. He actually said no? What a--” 

Louis pulled the phone away from his ear as he waited for the tirade about how stupid the pair of them were to be over. He sighed heavily. “Look, if I go out tonight can we never talk about this again? It was humiliating. He laughed, Niall. He laughed at me asking him out for real. Didn’t think I was serious. And now we are texting like it never happened. So I just want to drop it, and if that means I have to spend the night getting drunk with you, instead of getting drunk alone in my home, then fine.” 

“Christ, Lou. He laughed?” 

“Don’t.” He warned, harshly. 

“Okay. Okay. Just meet us at Payno and Zayn’s for takeaway and pregaming at 9:00. And try not to sulk the whole time. Later, mate.” 

Louis angrily jabbed at the red disconnect button, harkening back to the days of flip phones when you could close it with that satisfying snap. Nothing would ever feel quite so satisfying. He had just enough time to take a nap before he needed to get showered and ready to go. At least that would be a bright spot in his day. 

As he laid down, his phone buzzed. Harry’s name lit up the screen. With a groan he unlocked the screen and read the message. 

**You and the lads going out tonight? -H**

He typed back a short response. 

**Yeah, you coming? -L**

**Could do. Might drag Grimmy along. -H**

**Oh. Okay. -L **

He watched for a moment as Harry typed a response, the typing symbol flashing at the bottom of the conversation for a moment before going dead. No message came through. Louis sighed heavily, he’d probably just fucked things up more by being so short with him, he thought, but oh well. Tossing the phone onto the side table, he snuggled closer to his pillow and closed his eyes. 

  
  
  
  


As much a Louis loved his friends, he was not in the mood to hang out. He’d awoken from his nap with a headache that not even a handful of paracetamol and a shower had helped. And now, there he was, nursing a beer as Niall laughed loudly and Liam and Zayn cuddled on the couch being generally adorable. It was sickening. He hadn’t heard from Harry since earlier that afternoon, and while it wasn’t totally unheard of to go a few hours without speaking, it was a little worrying. He couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted him to actually show up tonight. On one hand, the only time it felt like he could breathe was when they were together. On the other hand, if Nick Grimshaw was coming, he’d likely not get to spend any time with Harry. Not that Harry wanted to spend time with him in the same way he wanted to spend time together. He had to find a way to get over him. Clearly nothing more was going to develop so, he thought to himself, he had better get used to being friendzoned. He was broken out of his thoughts by Zayn. 

“Stop moping.” 

“I’m not moping,” he grunted back. “I just didn’t feel like coming out tonight.” 

“Mate,” Zayn said, “we haven’t even left yet. You’re being a buzz kill.” 

“He’s just upset because Harry turned him down,” Niall chimed in. “Cut him some slack. At least we got him out of his flat.” 

Liam frowned at them. “What exactly happened?” 

“Nothing,” Louis snapped. Glaring at Niall he added, “We weren’t going to talk about it tonight.” The blonde shrugged. “Let’s all just drop it and have a good night.” The others murmured their agreement, leaving him be until it was time to head out to the bar. 

  
  
  


It was, like usual, pretty crowded. Karaoke Night was a local favorite and the boys were well known for their enthusiastic performances, but tonight Louis was curled into the corner of the large booth in the back of the bar, watching his friends perform. He was usually the first to take to the stage, always eager to show off his skills. Instead he sipped at his beer while Zayn crooned out another slow jam. So far he hadn’t seen any signs of Harry, nor had he heard from him, but at this point he was drunk enough to decide he didn’t want to see him tonight. If he couldn’t have all of him, he didn’t want part. It wasn’t fair and he deserved better. He knew that the next day his sober mind would miss his best friend and more than likely call him, but for tonight he was going to enjoy his solitude. 

As if on cue, Harry chose that moment to walk through the door, closely followed by Nick. “I’m not drunk enough for this,” Louis muttered under his breath as they approached his table. Slidding into the booth, Nick grinned at him. 

“How’s it going, Louis?” 

Louis hated the way he was looking at him, as if he knew more than he should and would tell the world his secrets. Him and his smug face. He didn’t know what Harry saw in the older man. Clearly something he didn’t see in Louis, the way the two were always going about. He hated it. He was jealous, he realised with a sickening thought. “Everything is great,” he replied, faking a smile. It must not have been very convincing, as Harry was now frowning at him. Great. Fucking great. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Louis interrupted him. 

“I’m gonna go find Niall.” 

He vaguely heard Harry mumble an ‘okay’ as he jumped from the table like it had scalded him. He wandered up to the bar, spotting the Irishman doing shots with some girls. 

“Tommo, have a shot!” 

“Not your worst idea tonight, mate.” He accepted the small glass and downed the burning liquid with a cringe. He’d forgotten to ask what kind it was, but he was pretty sure it was vodka. He hated vodka. 

“Are you gonna put your name on the list tonight? There’s an open spot left.” Niall was referring to the karaoke list, which he would normally jump at the chance to sign up for. 

He shrugged. “Dunno. Not really feeling it tonight.” 

“Just take a look at the songs, they added a bunch of new ones.” 

Louis nodded, “Sure, I guess. Might cheer me up.” 

“Atta boy, Lou,” Niall said, patting his back and gesturing towards the host’ stand. He meandered over, flipping through the song list without much interest until his eyes landed on something he found oddly appropriate for how he was feeling at the moment. 

“Sign me up for this one,” he said to the DJ, pointing at the binder. The man informed him that there were two performers before him, and then the mic was all his. 

As soon as the music started, Louis breathed a sigh of relief. He always felt his best when performing, and tonight was no different. Clutching the mic stand, he waited through the intro before starting to sing. 

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinking about you _

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

From the corner of his eye, he saw Harry’s head pop up, eyes wide. He tried his best to ignore that the man’s eyes were on him as he sang.

_ I'm in Toronto and I got this view _

_ But I might as well be in a hotel room  _

_ It doesn't matter 'cause I'm so consumed _

_ Spending all my nights reading texts from you _

_ Oh, I'm good at keeping my distance _

_ I know, that you're the feeling I'm missing _

_ You know that I hate to admit it _

_ But everything means nothing if I can't have you _

Going into the chorus, he felt electric. The room was really getting into it. He knew he was a good singer, and really prided himself on his voice, so it was great to see people responding. But a part of his brain was dying for him to turn and look at Harry again. As he sang, he noticed the haunted look in the man’s eyes as he desperately whispered to Nick. He looked away, a knot in his stomach at the pair being so close together. 

_ I'm so sorry that my timing's off _

_ But I can't move on if we're still gonna talk _

_ Is it wrong for me to not want half _

_ I want all of you, all the strings attached _

_ Oh, I'm good at keeping my distance _

_ I know, that you're the feeling I'm missing _

_ You know that I hate to admit it _

_ But everything means nothing if I can't have you _

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinking about you _

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinking about you _

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

He couldn’t help himself but look at Harry again. To his surprise the man had stood. He looked like he was going to be sick and was supporting himself on the top of the booth. The concern he felt almost stopped him in his tracks, faltering on the next line. 

_ I'm trying, to move on, forget you, but I hold on _

_ Everything means nothing, everything means nothing, babe _

_ I'm trying, to move on, forget you, but I hold on _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you _

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinkin' about you _

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinkin' about you _

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

The last line of the song left his lips and the crowd cheered. He heard the DJ say something about him always putting on a show, but was too busy looking at Harry to listen. They locked eyes for a moment, before Harry turned and was out the backdoor in seconds. Muttering a quick thanks, he hopped off the stage and all but sprinted after his best friend. 

“Harry?” he called into the back alley of the pub. He didn’t get an answer, but he heard a sniffle and followed the sound behind the dumpster to find his friend sitting on a crate. “Harry, what’s wrong?” 

“I liked your song choice tonight,” Harry said softly. “It explained a few things for me.” 

Louis frowned. “Like what?” 

“Like how fucking stupid I am.” He laughed dryly. “I had a right laugh didn’t I? The other night? But you were serious, weren’t you?” 

“It’s fine,” Louis said softly. 

“It’s not.” Harry looked up at him with piercing eyes. “I genuinely thought you were taking the piss.” 

“But, why?” 

“It seemed too fantastical to be true.” 

Louis reached out a hand. Harry took it, allowing himself to be pulled from his seat and into the man’s arms. 

“You really are fucking stupid,” he wispered into Harry’s ear, placing a kiss behind his jaw. He hummed in response. “Do you know how much it hurts to only have you casually and behind closed doors?” he asked, pulling back. “I thought I could settle for just sex, that it would be better than nothing, but it isn’t. It’s worse than not having you at all.” 

“You’ve always had me, Lou. I just didn’t know you wanted me.” 

“Since the very beginning, Haz.” He brought a hand up and wiped an errant tear with his thumb as it rolled down Harry’s cheek. Harry covered the hand with his own larger one, pressing it against his face. 

“Is it too late to change my answer?” 

“What about Grimshaw?” 

“What about him?” Harry said with a snort. 

“Won’t he be upset?” 

“Louis,” Harry said patiently, “he is, and has only ever been, a friend.” 

“Oh.” Louis blinked in surprise for a moment. “I guess you’re not the only stupid one.” He grinned as the other man laughed. 

“Just kiss me, you fool,” he said through his laughter. Louis happily obliged. 

Heading back inside, the pair held hands as Louis led the way back to their table where the other lads had congregated. A cheer went up when they saw their intertwined hands. Sliding into the booth, he put his arm around Harry. 

“Glad to see you both pulled your heads out of your asses, gentlemen,” Niall said with a grin. “Guess coming out tonight wasn’t such a bad idea, what is?” 

  
Louis smiled, pulling Harry--his  _ boyfriend _ \--closer to his side. “I guess so.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I hope you liked it. Leave me a kudos or a comment. You can find me on tumblr in a couple places if you want to chat or have questions: @a-reluctant-witch and @louislouisohbaby


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